Everything Will Be Okay

Title: Everything Will Be Okay
Author: RoseInDeath
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: T
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex
Disclaimer: I do not own Dan or Phil, this didn't happen (Although I really wish it did)




Sometimes somebody will make you a promise that everything will be okay. They say it to make you feel better, to give you hope, praying inside that you'll stop crying and maybe crack them a smile. But more often than not, it's just a lie, the words falling gracefully from their lips like blood from a wound. And why? Because they believe that if they can convince themselves that the pain will vanish, then they don't need to be scared. So really, they're not telling you everything will be okay, they're telling themselves, repeating the mantra in their heads so they can pretend their lives won't be affected by the demons you're up against.

Most people believe the lie. Phil Lester did not.

However he wasn't the kind of person to upset somebody. So when Dan had decided he just wanted them to be friends, those few years ago, he pretended that he believed the petty lie, because he loved him, and Dan had always hated seeing him cry. He let the lie wrap around the heart that still yearned for his best friend, cloaking his feelings so nobody else would notice his suffering.

It became harder to keep pretending when they moved to London.

*****

It started whilst he was checking Twitter. A certain tweet from Charlie McDonnell had piqued his curiosity, so he'd followed the link, which led to a blog post discussing his break up with his girlfriend. Whilst reading the article, Phil's stomach lurched with the threat of old memories bubbling to the surface, and he had to give himself a moment to push them back before he could compose himself.

“Dan!” He called, deciding that he should share the news, as he wondered if Dan would be as shocked by the information as Phil was.

A few minutes (and several noises of complaint) later, Dan trudged into their lounge wearing an unimpressed face.

“If this is another cat video, I'm going to hit you.”

“It's not! And there's nothing wrong with cat videos. No, come look, Charlie and Bryarly broke up.”

Dan's eyebrow raised in curiosity at this information, before he knelt on the sofa next to Phil, his body leaning heavily against him. Phil took a deep breath and pretended not to notice, focusing his mind on the wall in front of him, as he waited for Dan's reaction.

“Huh... Didn't see that one coming. At least everybody's being supportive of them.”

Maybe it was because he was tired. Maybe it was because he'd been having a bad week. But the words were tumbling out of his mouth in a whisper before he could stop himself.

“We should have told people when we broke up, they would have been supportive.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Their relationship was the taboo subject they never discussed, unless they were forced to, and even then the conversation was strained, and thrown away as soon as possible. Phil didn't dare look at Dan's face, fearing the expression he would be wearing. After a minute or two of the choking silence, Dan stood up, shaking himself off.

“Don't be stupid Phil.” He murmured bitterly, refusing to face him. But Phil wasn't going to back down now, he was sick of pretending, and it was time to stand up for himself.

“I'm not being stupid. They would have cared, give them more credit than that!”

“Just shut up Phil.”

The words tore through Phil's façade like shrapnel from a bomb. Time after time he'd let Dan berate him into silence, but he wasn't going to put up with it any more. When Dan started to walk away, Phil stood up and took a deep breath.

“No. I won't. You can't keep doing this.”

Dan froze in his tracks and turned back around, crossing his arms.

“And pray tell, what do you mean by that, Philip?”

Phil couldn't help but growl quietly at the use of his full name, which he knew Dan only ever used to irritate him. But that wasn't going to matter, since Phil was finally going to get his own back.

“Dismissing me like I don't matter to you! I'm supposed to be your best friend, but you treat me like I'm nothing, only ever using me for when it matters to you!”

“Oh please, stop being so dramatic. That's completely not true, and you know it!”

“Really? Cause I don't think I do Dan! I heard you on your live show the other week, in which you told all your adoring fans that you genuinely hated me. I'm not innocent to all the things you say about me, they're always showing up in my tags, or people send them to me, or whatever! I can't avoid them, and it hurts Dan!”

“You actually believe I seriously mean that stuff?” Dan shook him off with a wave of his hand and began to turn around again, when Phil's flustered voice spoke up again.

“Yeah, I do! In our videos, I can understand, because we're just playing it up, but when it's behind my back, and you're always saying it, yeah, I start to believe it. It stopped being a joke a long time ago Dan.”

An audible sigh left Dan's mouth, but he didn't make a move to leave the room, suspecting that there was more he had to hear. Whilst Phil shuffled nervously, tugging on the sleeves of his hoodie, as he braced himself for another shot at their taboo subject.

“You would never admit to dating me either. You can't even talk about it now. I guess I should have known that you can't even tell people we're friends, when you couldn't admit to loving me-”

“Stop it! Why are you even bringing that up?!”

Phil jumped at Dan's sudden outburst, flinching backwards for a second, despite the fact that Dan was still refusing to turn around and face him. However he knew that if he stood down now, he'd just be slipping back into the role he always played in their friendship. He had to go the whole way or there was no point in all of this.

“See? You're... You're ashamed of me, aren't you? God Dan... That hurts. Do I really mean that little to you? You promised me those years ago that everything would be okay, but it's not Dan, and I'm sick of it. When are you going to learn that showing your emotions isn't a bad thing?” Phil paused to take a deep breath, bracing himself for what he was about to say next. “I-I care about you. I've always been there for you when you needed me, when you were upset and didn't think there was a point in staying alive any more. But you can't even look at me right now. Dan... I lo-”

He couldn't finish the phrase. Phil's body was thrumming with energy, and in all honesty he felt a bit light headed; it wasn't everyday he poured his heart out, after all. There was a strong hold over him that was pushing him closer to diverting his eyes away from the boy in front of him, but he kept his head up, waiting for Dan to do something, anything.

A few more seconds passed before Dan finally turned around and strode over to Phil, cupping his face and kissing him. The unexpected gesture left Phil shocked for the briefest of moments, until he suddenly realised what was happening, and returned the kiss, as he clutched desperately at the back of Dan's t-shirt, needing to be closer to him somehow. Dan's fingers slid into his hair as their kissing because more desperate, and god, how he'd missed this, the feeling of Dan's body pressed up against him in all the right ways as he felt his lips against his own. Their kissing was open mouthed, and greedy, and perfect in every way. Dan pulled back for a moment, resting their foreheads together, and keeping his fingers in Phil's hair.

“I'm so sorry...” He whispered gently, and the remorse in his voice told Phil this was genuine. “I was so scared, I... I couldn't...” And Phil understood. Quickly, he pressed his lips to the corner of the other boy's mouth,

“It's okay now.”

“We can sort this out... Everything will be okay.”

Once more their mouths met again in a deep kiss, as they grasped at each other, refusing to let the other one go. The rest of the night followed with them falling into bed, shedding of all items of clothing, whilst they whispered moaned apologies into each other's skin. The next morning came around, whilst Dan smiled and held Phil close, whispering in his ear once more,

“Everything will be okay.”

And this time, Phil believed him.